Today at work, I overheard a mother tell her blubbering toddler, "Be quiet or I'll give you something to cry about!"
I smirked to myself at the absurdity of such a statement. I'd had that one used on me before. I always wanted to ask my mom "So, do you want me to stop crying? Or do you want me to cry more? I'm confused here, Mom. You're not being very clear." (In case you're wondering, she gave she something to cry about.)
But that mom telling her kid she'd give him something to cry about got me thinking.(I know, I know.) I don't know about you, but my parents said a lot of dumb things when I was growing. (Who am I kidding, she still does.) Sometimes she'd ask me, "Do you want a spanking?"
"Uhh, is this a trick question?"
Or (here's another good one) "This is going to hurt me than it does you." Uh no. Not true. Not even a little bit. It most definitely does not hurt the parent more. I've been on both sides of that fence. It does not hurt the spanker as much as the spankee. Just sayin'.
I'd make goofy faces all the time. And you know what my mom would say? Say it with me, everyone. "Your face is going to freeze like that!" And she'd say it all seriousness, as if she actually believed it herself. Have you ever seen a person with their face frozen with their eyelids pulled up, their fingers stuck in their nostrils, and their tongue hanging out? Didn't think so. (Unless you count that crazy guy that hangs out on the bench outside of Wal-Mart, but I'd bet money that's not why he looks like that.)
I was a picky eater as a kid. I would never eat the crust of my bread. My Memaw would tell me, "Eat the crust! It'll put hair on your chest!" Yeah! You know, because that's what every five-year-old girl wants - a hairy chest. "Hair on my chest??? Really? Awesome! Can I eat yours too, Memaw!?"