Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Where is my nanny?!?

It's times like these that I want to beat the living crap out of my nanny and maid. They always seem to disappear when I really need them. Yes, I make enough money to have full time help like that. If you believe that, then you can just send your check for me hanging the moon to my PayPal account.
Potty training scares the hell out of me.  I mean, it's not like doing it with a dog. You can't just put your kid in a crate and do it that way. Although, the thought of doing just that may have crossed my mind a time or two. (I said may! I said may!) When I was younger and would have nightmares daydream about having kids, it was the one thing that always made me cringe. I knew I could function on a few hours of sleep as I dealt with a newborn. Teething would not be an issue. I could manage to make it through the tantrums that the Terrible Twos brought. But potty training - my god - well, I was just hoping that by the time I would need to potty train my kids there would be a pill or a shock collar or something for that.
And so tonight, as I sit here and search for my sanity in the bottom of my Woodchuck Hard Cider to no avail, I am cursing the person that found some vaccine to prevent a deadly disease instead of inventing those little magic pills.
Grayson has shown absolutely no interest in using the toilet at all. None. Not a little bit. He'd sit in a poopy diaper all day if the stench wouldn't run us out of the house. He just doesn't care.  I kept telling myself that he'd just automatically start going to the potty.  He's always been that way. He has always been the type that would never ever show interest in something, and them WHAMO! - he's doing it like a pro. He did it with walking and crawling. No interest in doing either, and then all of a sudden the kid's the next Olympic speedwalker (minus that goofy hip-swinging gait.)  Naturally, I hoped this would be the same way the whole using the potty thing would go down, and I wouldn't have to hassle myself with that whole inconvenient time-consuming training aspect to it.
Wishful thinking.
I decided I would just have to make him realize it's time. The kid's three now. It's time. It was time a year ago. Seriously. Let's get on this.
Now, here's the tricky part with Grayson. He knows when and how to use the potty. The big toilet. Not some little potty chair. He's not afraid of it by any means, and he will go (most of the time) if you take him. Sounds like the perfect candidate for potty training, right? WRONG. The kid is lazy. He will not stop what he is doing to go pee.  I mean, seriously, if he had to stop plowing with this Ertl John Deere tractor just so he could get up to pee, there would be no crops and then all of the Weebles and plastic dinosaurs would die. And we can't have that, now can we? What kind of heartless mother am I?!?
So, I did what I do best in situations like these.
And hope that a Porcelain Pixie would visit and I wouldn't have to actually do anything. I guess the damn pixie skipped my house. I'm writing a letter to Tinkerbell - because I am sure Tinkerbell has got to be the fairy Commander in Chief.
And now here we are. The kid is three and is still in diapers. Don't judge me. Today I decided it was the end all be all.  I am determined (at least for the next 10-15 minutes) to get my oldest son to use the damn toilet.
He is my new project.
We have tried pull-ups. They don't work. They feel too much like diapers, so he just pees and poops and doesn't say anything to anybody.  I've tried switching him completely from diapers to underwear. He pees in those, too, but he immediately tells me after the fact. Ahh... we're getting somewhere now.  So, today, I decide "I'm just gonna strip him naked. No diaper. No underwear. Nothing. We'll see how this fares." And I did. Some people may call me crazy. Those people would be right.
At least for today anyway. The kid peed and pooped in the toilet every single time he had to go - even going by himself a couple of times without me prompting him.
I feel victorious. At least for now, but it could be the Woodchuck talking.


Lauren said...

That is great! LOL So glad it worked for you.

Mrs. Snugglebunny said...

whooo hoooo