Thursday, December 16, 2010

I may need a twelve-step program

Hello, my name is Stacey and I am a Facebook Stalker.  While I should probably be embarrassed to admit this, I know every single one of yous is guilty of this, too. And I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only out there sitting in front of my computer screen trolling random people's Facebook pages.
I am an extraordinarily analytical person, sometimes (okay, most times) to a fault. Without even knowing I'm doing it, I read into everything about a person to try to "figure them out."  If someone says something that I find even slightly askew, it goes into my mind's filing cabinet - and everyone has a file.  I can retain information like a mofo. Let me clarify, I can retain useless information like a mofo.  Like, I can recall conversations that I've had with people years ago about what kind of toothpaste a friend's ex-boyfriend bought - but I can't remember what time I drop Grayson off for Mother's Day Out every freaking week.  It's true. I'm not perfect.  I'll let you absorb that for a minute.
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Back to it. Yes, I am a stalker. I am nosy. But, I do have a vagina and that makes it okay that I'm curious. Right? Right? I don't gossip about it, I just like to know. That's just my personality, I guess and why I went into psychology. That's why I love my stat tracker. It provides me with information about you, Dear Readers. It's awesome. But also maddening since it doesn't tell me your names, or if you're married, or the color of your hair, or what kind of car you drive or if you have kids or pets and what their names are, and where you work and what you do there, or what kind of music you like, or what you had for lunch today..... But, that's why I like Facebook. All of these things are harmless little tidbits.  They're little things of no consequence. Little harmless little tidbits that I'm desperate to know.  I'm just nosy, I admit it. But most of these innocuous things can be found on a Facebook profile. And that's why I lurk. It's a gamble when I log-in. Cheap thrill. Is the lucky stalkee's page going to be set on private?  And if it is -  ARGH! That really gets my knickers in a knot. Which is ironic, since my profile is set to private. Funny thing is, is I don't care who sees my stuff on there - I'm really not that interesting to tell you the truth. It's mainly private so certain people that I do know and have evicted out of my life cannot see it and have no access to me. (Apparently, it's bizarrefor a person to like their spouse and want to spend time their your family. Who knew? But, that's a whole other blog in itself. Yes, I'm still bitter about it.)
Anyhow, I have devised a simple plan of action to help remedy this problem.  I posted a poll over there ----> regarding our Facebook friendship or lack thereof.  And then underneath it, I posted a little icon that takes you directly to my page where all you have to do is request friendship. So, if you answered that you're not my friend but want to be...(I know, I'm awesome)...just a few clicks and voila! Your access is granted! Your dreams will come true! Easy as pie. (But not pecan pie. It's not so easy. It can get soupy.) I want to know my readers, I really sincerely do. I'm also hoping that by you befriending me it will help get the word out about my blog so maybe I can get more readers.
I don't care who you are. I don't care if I don't actually physically know you. It's not weird. Seriously. You've come this far to read my blog, so just do it... just click click click.... Consider this your invitation.

Now, let's see how many of ya aren't too chicken....

7 comments:

Christopher said...

This is kind of depressing. You're too interesting to be so obsessed with other people. I may be a bit biases though...

Stacey said...

Wow, thanks for that, honey.
I can't help it. I am. I am a troll. A Facebook troll.
I hang my head in shame.
*hangs head in shame*

Sarah said...

Your blog always makes me feel better...even in bizarre ways! Oh, and I'd still be bitter, too!

Aleah said...

*raises hand*
My name is Aleah and I am also a Facebook Stalker.

Which is why I adore facebook Places.

Some call it stalking.

I call it love.

Shannon said...

Funny you should post this about stalking...guess who I saw at Hobby Lobby yesterday!

Stacey said...

Aleah,
I'll bring donuts to the next meeting if you'll bring the coffee...no, wait..bring wine instead.

SuziG said...

I'll join the next meeting... but only if it's chocolate instead of donuts. No wine for me... coffee is good. LOL. I'll bring my own if you're bringing wine. :P

Yes, I'm a facebook stalker. Just don't tell my husband... lol.