Saturday, December 4, 2010

Why I Screen my Phonecalls

I work as a receptionist at a busy veterinary hospital. I talk to all kinds of people. Everyday. And I mean, a very wide variety of people. Animal people are crazy. I'm not talking, "Oh-she's-so-funny" crazy I'm talking "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury" crazy. 
I was working late on a Friday evening when the phone rang.. I always hate these phone calls because they're all the same. People call with 5 minutes until we close with a pet that has been sick for weeks and now it's an "emergency."  When I answered the phone, there was a lot of noise and yelling in the background. I hear the woman presumably with the phone yell to the lot of people "Shut up! I got the dog doctor on the phone! Shut up! I cain't hear nothin!" 
Me: Hello, Companion Animal Hospital. This is Stacey. How can I help you? (yes, I know it's a mouthful)
Her: Is this that Jaggo guy?
Me: Yes, this is Dr. Jaco's (pronounced jay-coe) office. Can I help you?
Her: I hope you can. *small laugh because she thinks this is the first time anybody has ever said this to me. I hear this line about 50 times a day.* Well, now, I got a wierd question for you.
Me: Oh, this will be good. What's that?
Her: Well, can a dog see, like, you know, spirits of dead people and stuff? A dog barks and she yells: Shut him up, Frank! Hellfar! I cain't hear the nurse on the phone!
Me: Um, well, what's going on with your dog?
Her: Well, it ain't my dog that's doin' it. It's our neighbor's dog. See, there was an old Indian man killed on this property about 400 years ago to the day. 
Me: Is this for real? Is someone filming this? Uh-huh....
Her: And now their dog is just barkin all the time an' he won't never shut up. His ears stand straight up on the top of his head. Like he's lookin' at something. But there ain't nothin' there. 
Me: Uh-huh...
Her: An' I just wondered if you knew if they saw spirits or not?
Me: Well, uh, I've always heard that dogs can sense things like that, but there is no actual evide--
Her: (yelling to Frank) He can see that Indian! The nurse said he's seein spirits. Like he's psychic or something! (back in the phone) Do you know if a preacher will do one of them exorist things on a dog? I mean, this is really freaking us out here. 
Me: No ma'am. Im not sure. Seriously. Where are the damn cameras?
Her: Oh. So, you wouldnt know who to call about something like this?
Me: At this point, I'm amused. And I decide to play into this woman's request. I know it' was probably wrong, but ya know. I'd had a long day and quite frankly, I wanted to see what would happen. No ma'am. But, if you attend church you might call your pastor and ask them. They would know how to lead you in the right direction for something like that.
Her: Yeah! (to Frank:) Hey, you got Brother Terry's phone number? The nurse said we can call him and he'd come out and do the exoricist on him! (Back to me): Thank you, miss. Have a good weekend.
I am left in awe. And Brother Terry, whoever you are, I'm so sorry.


Aleah said...

THAT IS TOO TOO FUNNY!! I especially love how you wrote the conversation colloquially; I could hear the accent!!!

I keep a notebook of crap my patients/their families/other nurses and doctors have done/said. A personal favorite - I was working in the PACU and upon waking, my 19-year old post-circumcision patient immediately requested that I get his cell phone and take a picture of the surgeon's handiwork so he could send it to his girlfriend. He barely waited til his ET tube was out :D

Stacey said...

BAHAHAHAHA!!! We could publish books!

The Bash Family said...

You *have* to be making this up! No way!

Stacey said...

If only I were that creative. Nope, it's all true.