Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Stacey PI: Who peed on my vacuum?

Somebody peed on my Dyson.

I went to vacuum this morning, plugged her in, released the handle and urine came spilling out from under the dirt canister.

There are two possible perpetrators:

Person of Interest #1:

Name: Harvey
Age: 5 years
Species: Canine
Sex: Male (Neutered)
Previously incarcerated for: Theft (food from the kitchen counter or unattended plates), Vandalism (knocking the trash can over), and trespassing (getting up on the couch)

Person of Interest #2:

Name: Jackson
Age: 2 years
Species: Homo Sapien
Sex: Male (Intact)
Previously incarcerated for:  Theft (food from anywhere he can reach), Trespassing (climbing on anything he can in order to reach food), Evading Authorities (running from me when it's time for a diaper change, to get in the car, to put shoes on, to go to bed, to            take a bath, etc), Vandalism (dumping all of the toys in the floor)

My money is on the little one.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Diagnosis: HKIADD

It has been confirmed (well, not by a licensed medical official) that I have HKIADD. I am not a genius, but I do frequent medical websites and I work in the medical field. (A vet clinic is medical. Ask your dog.)  And even though it is -technically- not listed as a disorder, I know I have it. I suffer from House-Keeping Induced Attention Deficit Disorder. It is a terrible, ugly, debilitating disease and I have considering starting up a support group, but I can never seem to get around to doing it. I have had it for awhile. I think it is genetic. My mom has it. I think my Grandma has it. Not sure if it is contagious, but some people I know have it too. It is like herpes. I don't think you can actually get rid of it - it just goes into remission. And there's no cure.
Take this for example; I took some freshly folded laundry into the bedroom to put away. Upon opening the drawers of my dresser, I find that there is no room for my freshly folded laundry. I pull out a few articles of clothes from the drawers to make room - unfolding each and every item thinking "Where did THAT come from?" or "I totally forgot about that! I should wear that tomorrow!"  Which then leads to "I wonder what else is crammed in here" which then leads to me pulling out all the drawers and emptying the contents on the bed - which needs to be made. Where I determine when I start to pull and tuck the linens, that sleeping on nice clean sheets would be awesome, and I should just wash them. Then I knock all of the clothes that had been piled on the bed from the overcrowded drawers onto the floor, rip the sheets off the bed, strip the pillows and trudge my way to the laundry room - tripping over half folded clothes and scattering them everywhere. I open the washer and am greeted with aroma of mildew from the load of towels that has been forgotten about.  It must be rewashed. Pile the sheets in the floor, restart the washer and discover that I am now out of laundry detergent.  The next thing I know, we are all piled in the ol' SUV on our way to Wal-Mart. While wandering aimlessly down the aisles (why am I here again?) I see that they have acquired some new shampoo for "that tousled hair look." Throw shampoo, conditioner, mouse, styling cream, and hairspray into the cart telling myself I will fix my hair like this the next time we go out (Yeah, right!). When I get home, I start to unload my bags and put away the hair products. I see that my shower is full of alllllmost empty shampoo and conditioner bottles.  I go through no less than 10 bottles, throwing them all away only after careful inspection. It is now disgustingly obvious that my shower needs to be cleaned.   Go to get my cleaning supplies and decide to grab my ipod so I can jam out while scrubbing soap scum. (Besides, the shower makes for AWESOME acoustics. I sound like a friggin' rockstar in there. Maybe not....) Tote our ipod dock into the bathroom and encounter the obstacle course that has become my bathroom vanity.  Open one of the drawers to put away the nail clippers and spy a set of false eyelashes that I had bought on a whim at Sally's and have never tried. Decide now is just as good a time as any, and attempt to attach falsies with that gnome-sized glue tube. Spill glue on my shirt. And the counter. After trying for 15 minutes and only accomplishing gluing the eyelash to my eyelid and the end of  my nose (don't ask), I decide to take it to the web and find a tutorial. (Yes, I am THAT girl)  Before I know it, I have wasted away an hour watching stupid videos on youtube, checking pinterest (ooh, that looks good for dinner.) and of course, we can't forget facebook. Give up on eyelashes and head to the bedroom to change shirts before the glue soaks through and adheres to my skin. ..where I'm struck with a lightning rod of brain activity "Ahh yes....this is where I began about four hours prior." But now I have started and left a minimum of 8 projects. I have been moving and working all day, but now the laundry is still not put away, my bed has no sheets, the sheets are laying in the floor of the laundry room, the mildew-y towels are still unwashed in the washing machine, the bounty from Wal-Mart still has not been put away, the entire contents of my shower are on the bathroom floor, I have one false eyelash haphazardly glued to my lash line the other is wadded up in a ball out of angry-glue frustration, and I am now standing topless in my bedroom looking through a pile of shirts for a shirt.  Shoot me now. I feel like I am on the house cleaning tread mill...and neither I nor the house look any better.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The Sheet Conundrum

I'm a tightwad.  Don't get me wrong, I love to shop, I just hate spending money.  Generally, I will spend hours scouring over the internet researching whatever item I am currently looking for - regardless of cost.  But, the one thing that I will spend a pretty penny on is sheets.  I am such a snob sucker when it comes to sheets.  I don't buy them very often because they are expensive, and it's hard for me to come to terms with spending $100 on a set.  But, alas, it is time for the big purchase.
Luckily, because of a mishap with a JCPenney order, I have a $50 coupon code for the store.  Also luckily, this is where I purchase my sheets.
Woohoo! Win-win situation! I get new sheets AND don't have to spend $100 to get them.
Here's the thing.
The sheets I love and already have a set of (Chris Madden 500 thread-count 100% ring spun cotton damask striped) will cost me $45 after my $50 credit.  This is a great deal.

But, now I'm all "$45 for flippin' sheets! That's INSANE!! Do you know what I could do with 45 dollars!?! Not spend it on sheets, that's for sure!! AND I could just find something else to spend my $50 credit on. Do I really need sheets?"
YES. Yes, Stacey, we really do.
Somebody smack me and tell me that $45 for a $95 set of sheets is an awesome deal. It's over 50% off!
We really need them. I mean, seriously need them. We have 3 sets of sheets right now, and one of them is starting to get a little hole worn in them.   Speaking of, how many sets of sheets do you have? I'm curious, because to me, 3 sets just seems like such a low number. I feel like I should 10 sets put up in the closet. I wash our sheets at least once a week and I try to always have a set clean. It is inevitable that after I wash them, the boys' cups will leak on them or something.  How often do you wash your sheets? To me, there is nothing like fresh, clean sheets on the bed. I'd seriously wash them everyday if I had the time.
So, I guess I'm off here to spend some money. I've come to terms with spending the money, now I'm just having a hard deciding what color.  Our bedroom is done in blues and browns.  We currently have this sheet set in slate blue. (It's the one that's getting a hole in it.)  Now, do I buy another set in the slate blue, so I have enough matching pillowcases for our pillows? OR, do I buy the sheets in brown to have a different color all together? (We have both a blue comforter and a brown comforter, so either color of the sheets would compliment a comforter.)  A cream or ivory is out of the question - we have 2 kids, 3 dogs and a cat. I am not spending that kind of money of sheets only for them to show every little stain and spot.
What to do? What to do?
This actually might be the reason why I don't buy sheets more often: I hate making color decisions! I'm just not very good at it.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sunday Funday? More like Sunday Shouldda-Just-Stayed-In-Bed Day

I spilled coffee on my laptop on Sunday. I had it in a travel mug WITH A LID, and I still managed to spill it on the keyboard. I am talented like that.  It wasn't much, and I got it all up and thought all was well. And then they keyboard quit working. I backed everything up on my external hard drive, powered it down and hoped it would work when I got home.
I put the kids in the bathtub and got ready to do some errands. (Chris was at work all day.) I got myself ready, and then got the boys dressed. While I was helping Grayson with his pants, Jack ran into the bathroom and climbed back in the bathtub - which still had water in it from their bath because it takes forever to drain. New jeans, new shirt, new diaper - all soaked. 
Change Jack. Again.
I get everybody changed and loaded up and drive the 30 minutes to Sam's. We get in without having to show my membership card and we proceed do some shopping. Get to the check-out and pull out my wallet to get my membership card. It's not there. It's in another wallet. GRR. They will not issue me a temporary card because apparently my membership had expired. I did not relish the idea of standing in line for 45 minutes with 2 kids to get a new card and then go back and stand in line at the check-out. Leave emptyhanded.
Grayson announces he's hungry, so I opt for Sonic where I don't have to wrestle two toddlers and a tray full of food and drinks. I figured we'd sit there and eat and then go on to Wal-Mart. Get to Sonic, order and then Grayson announces he has to pee. Sonic has no public restroom. Great. Get our food and leave. Eat burger with one hand and steer car with the other. Grayson says "I reeeallly gotta pee, Mom. Just pull over." Pull into closest parking lot, which is PetSmart. Take the boys to the bathroom. Spend the next 30 minutes looking at fish, birds, gerbils, cats, and the like.
Leave PetSmart and decide to go in KMart since it's been forever. KMart was completely uneventful. (The way I like it.) Leave KMart headed to Wal-Mart for a few groceries. 
Arrive at Wal-Mart at 4:30 CST. On Sunday. Superbowl Sunday. (I had forgotten about the game.) Fight my way through the crowd with the boys - who behaved as excellent as I have ever seen them. No crying, no fits, they were both just really good.  After getting everything, I remember that I need some Febreeze Noticeable refills. (The kind that plugs into the wall and is in a glass container) Put a 2 pack in the cart and head to the checkout. Jack picks up the package and starts chewing on it. I tell him "No, that's dirty" to which he replies by throwing it in the floor. I pick it up and throw it back in the cart. About halfway down the aisle, I notice a pungent smell. Look down and realize the air freshener has busted and is now leaking smelly oil all over EVERYTHING in my cart. Apples, oranges, canned drinks, chips, cereal - AND the oil is now causing all the paint on all the packages to come off. So, my cart is a big stinky streaky painted mess. I get the check out line and wait as the couple in front of me divides their cart into 5 separate transactions. Finally get to the belt, and start putting oily, stinky, dirty stuff on the belt. The cashier then starts full on wheezing - saying in between puffs on his inhaler, that he has asthma. He calls for help - which takes no less than 5 minutes to arrive - all the while I'm standing there holding up the line. I can just see the smell of the Febreeze wafting off me, the boys, and my cart. Finally get someone to check us out, pay and leave as fast as I can. Drive home with the front windows down and the heat cranked up. The boys thought this was hilarious and squealed in delight the entire way home. Get home, get the car unloaded and start putting the stinky oily groceries away - opening boxes and throwing away any packages that I can that have been saturated. Realize my apples and oranges are COVERED and proceed to soak them in the sink with dawn and water. Wash apples and oranges with a scrub brush. Finally get everything cleaned up as best as I can and realize I'm missing a bag. In my haste to get the heck outta Wal-Mart, I left it there. Call the store to see if it got turned it. It' hasn't, but the girl tells me to come back sometime, bring my receipt and they'll get me what I'm missing.
Cook dinner using the can of manwich because it was one of the cans with the most oil on it and I didn't want it to sit in my cabinet stinking up everything else.
Check laptop. Still kaput. Call Uncle Boo Tech Support (aka my brother-in-law) who tells me to bring it over. Take laptop to him and he takes everything apart, cleaning what we can with alcohol. Put keyboard back in. No change. BIL tells me to soak keyboard in distilled water, and dry it out for several days. If that doesn't work, buy a new keyboard (which thankfully, only run about $15)
I'm not sure I've ever been so excited for Monday.