Thursday, May 16, 2013

Diagnosis: HKIADD {The Revisit}

It has been confirmed (well, not by a licensed medical official) that I have HKIADD. I am not a genius, but I do frequent medical websites and I work in the medical field. (A vet clinic is medical. Ask your dog.)  And even though it is -technically- not listed as a disorder, I know I have it. I suffer from House-Keeping Induced Attention Deficit Disorder. It is a terrible, ugly, debilitating disease and I have considering starting up a support group, but I can never seem to get around to doing it. I have had it for awhile. I think it is genetic. My mom has it. I think my Grandma has it. Not sure if it is contagious, but some people I know have it too. It is like herpes. I don't think you can actually get rid of it - it just goes into remission. And there's no cure.
Take this for example; I took some freshly folded laundry into the bedroom to put away. Upon opening the drawers of my dresser, I find that there is no room for my freshly folded laundry. I pull out a few articles of clothes from the drawers to make room - unfolding each and every item thinking "Where did THAT come from?" or "I totally forgot about that! I should wear that tomorrow!"  Which then leads to "I wonder what else is crammed in here" which then leads to me pulling out all the drawers and emptying the contents on the bed - which needs to be made. Where I determine when I start to pull and tuck the linens, that sleeping on nice clean sheets would be awesome, and I should just wash them. Then I knock all of the clothes that had been piled on the bed from the overcrowded drawers onto the floor, rip the sheets off the bed, strip the pillows and trudge my way to the laundry room - tripping over half folded clothes and scattering them everywhere. I open the washer and am greeted with aroma of mildew from the load of towels that has been forgotten about.  It must be rewashed. Pile the sheets in the floor, restart the washer and discover that I am now out of laundry detergent.  The next thing I know, we are all piled in the ol' SUV on our way to Wal-Mart. While wandering aimlessly down the aisles (why am I here again?) I see that they have acquired some new shampoo for "that tousled hair look." Throw shampoo, conditioner, mouse, styling cream, and hairspray into the cart telling myself I will fix my hair like this the next time we go out (Yeah, right!). When I get home, I start to unload my bags and put away the hair products. I see that my shower is full of alllllmost empty shampoo and conditioner bottles.  I go through no less than 10 bottles, throwing them all away only after careful inspection. It is now disgustingly obvious that my shower needs to be cleaned.   Go to get my cleaning supplies and decide to grab my ipod so I can jam out while scrubbing soap scum. (Besides, the shower makes for AWESOME acoustics. I sound like a friggin' rockstar in there. Maybe not....) Tote our ipod dock into the bathroom and encounter the obstacle course that has become my bathroom vanity.  Open one of the drawers to put away the nail clippers and spy a set of false eyelashes that I had bought on a whim at Sally's and have never tried. Decide now is just as good a time as any, and attempt to attach falsies with that gnome-sized glue tube. Spill glue on my shirt. And the counter. After trying for 15 minutes and only accomplishing gluing the eyelash to my eyelid and the end of  my nose (don't ask), I decide to take it to the web and find a tutorial. (Yes, I am THAT girl)  Before I know it, I have wasted away an hour watching stupid videos on youtube, checking pinterest (ooh, that looks good for dinner.) and of course, we can't forget facebook. Give up on eyelashes and head to the bedroom to change shirts before the glue soaks through and adheres to my skin. ..where I'm struck with a lightning rod of brain activity "Ahh yes....this is where I began about four hours prior." But now I have started and left a minimum of 8 projects. I have been moving and working all day, but now the laundry is still not put away, my bed has no sheets, the sheets are laying in the floor of the laundry room, the mildew-y towels are still unwashed in the washing machine, the bounty from Wal-Mart still has not been put away, the entire contents of my shower are on the bathroom floor, I have one false eyelash haphazardly glued to my lash line the other is wadded up in a ball out of angry-glue frustration, and I am now standing topless in my bedroom looking through a pile of shirts for a shirt.  Shoot me now. I feel like I am on the house cleaning tread mill...and neither I nor the house look any better.